What To Do When It Happens To You

There is always something that you can do, and acting now will make things better in the future.

In the case of prejudice, the key is to address it. Ignorance flourishes in secrecy and avoidance, so exposure and education are the natural anodynes.

When discrimination occurs, whether at work, a club, a restaurant, or wherever, here are some simple things to do. Taking action empowers you, and bringing attention to negative events invites positive responses.

If you think you've been discriminated against:

• Remain calm. Do not act angry or make any threats or accusations. (It's natural to feel angry, and it's useful to direct that anger into energy for action, but it needs to be focused, not simply unleashed.)
• Get statements from people who have witnessed the discriminatory treatment.
• Collect evidence of discrimination, e.g., copies of insulting e-mails, pictures of offensive materials.
• Create and maintain a chronology of events with as much detail as possible, including:
• dates
• times/timing (e.g., harassment started after coming out to someone)
• places
• people involved/witnesses
• specific comments and actions (including applicable notes on how you and/or other LGBT folks were treated differently from straight people in the same or similar situation)

Specific Notes on Employment Discrimination

As an at-will state, North Carolina does not provide anyone with the right to work. An employer may fire an employee at any time for any reason that does not involve discrimination on the basis of age, sex, race, religion, national origin, or disability (which are covered by federal and state law).

Still, in addition to the general recommendations above, here are some other steps you can take when discrimination occurs in the workplace:

• Try to address concerns of homophobia through internal processes, i.e., through human resources or an ombudsman, being sure to keep a copy and maintain a log of attempts to redress issues.
• If your employer has employment policies or an employee manual, become familiar with it and note if your company does or does not comply.
• Ask for a written explanation of any disciplinary action you experience, including firing.
• Get copies of your employment record, including any evaluations and write-ups, positive or negative.
• Be aware of any paperwork you sign if you're fired or laid off so you understand what you are agreeing to and acknowledging.
• Request a letter of reference, and confirm what information will be shared with prospective employers.
• Consult a lawyer if you have any concerns that you are waiving rights or acknowledging culpability for something that you didn't do.

While sexual orientation is not afforded any protections with regard to employment discrimination, there are legal protections around:

• AIDS/HIV
• Sexual harassment
• Invasion of privacy
• Religious discrimination

If you feel any of these apply, you should consult a lawyer for specifics on your case and how to pursue action.

After you have documentation of discrimination, you should address the issue through the appropriate avenue. If you experience discrimination at a club, see the manager. If it's at work, see your director or HR person. 

You should then escalate the situation up through the organizational hierarchy until you get satisfaction or can take it no further. If a store manager doesn't do anything, go to the owner. If the executive director doesn't listen, go to the board of directors. If a landlord doesn't do anything, go the town council or housing commission.

You should also let other people know about the discrimination you faced. Tell your friends, write a letter to the editor, e-mail the better business bureau, or post something on a local blog. Sometimes just letting other people know about the situation can help bring public pressure to bear, which may result in a positive change.

Finally, always submit incidents of discrimination to Equality NC. We will use your experiences and your stories in our work to educate the public and show the legislature the damage that is done by bigotry and the importance of creating a fair and equal environment in which to work and live in North Carolina. (We can do so anonymously if you prefer.)

With your help, we'll move our state forward to one of fair treatment and equality for all people.

(Your contributions help make our work possible, whether your time, energy, or money. Thank you for helping us create a better world!)

Disclaimer: If your situation deals with more than discrimination, i.e., harassment or violence, make sure you are safe and then go to the public authorities. Criminal matters should be dealt with by the police. Seek a lawyer for legal advice. Equality NC cannot provide guidance in legal matters.